


Alone

by NympheSama



Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Gay Sex, M/M, POV First Person, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:39:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NympheSama/pseuds/NympheSama
Summary: Jake tries hard to keep himself protected from potential heartache, but M!Taylor is determined to make him see he doesnt need to anymore





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [winchesteenwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesteenwolf/gifts).



> For winchesteenwolf, who has been really wonderful in her support (like so many others) while i have struggled - and for wanting me to keep writing - even when i felt like giving in to the darkness.  
> This hit me hard one day and i am pleased to be able to finally give it to you.
> 
> I apologise now. First pov is NOT somethinf i am any good at, but hopefully this doesnt suck too bad... i also apologise for the end, cuz i think its pants.
> 
> That said; i hope you enjoy this addition to the Endless Summer collection! i hope to see you again soon!
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Alone.**

_I don't need anyone_. 

The thought is a recurring one, something I've told myself hour after hour, day after day, year after year; ever since I lost Mike. And for the most part, it's been true. Bein' alone don't mean bein' a martyr though, I've still had sex; some really hot, really fucking good sex, but it's been just that. The mutual, physical gratification of the act. Nothing more.

Now, this little shit wants to come along and smash through every goddamn wall I've worked so hard to build around myself. But I ain't lettin' him win, I ain't goin' down that road again. I let someone in once... I'd rather be alone, than face a loss like that again. 

 _I don't need anyone_.

I keep trying to tell myself this, as I slam my suite door closed and lean heavily against it, trying to convince myself that the pain in my chest is absolutely anything but heartache. 

Of course, it ain't exactly helpful that every time I close my eyes, I see that moment we were under the water together. I can play it off around the Brady Bunch, pretend nothin's changed... But I can see it in his eyes, he's thinkin' about it too. I can still remember how it felt, when he was in my arms. An' alright, the water around us kinda detracted from the sensation of his skin against mine, but at the same time it didn't; it also heightened it. That bloody kiss though. _Damn..._ That boy can kiss.

I shake myself from my thoughts, snorting with disgust at myself, as I realise I've been tracing my lower lip with my finger; recalling the urgency he kissed me with, as we thought we were dyin'. I shouldn't have let the little shit do it, but damn, I wasn't about to die without knowin' if he really tastes as good as he looks.

With a sigh I finally push away from the door, moving to my stash of booze on the dresser, all my favourites which I cleared out from the various bars in this dumbass hotel. I grab the closest bottle, and I don't even glance at the label before tearing the lid free and swigging straight from the neck, trying my hardest to melt away the quiet words which seem to have seared themselves into my brain.  How dare that little shit ask me that? How dare he take me by surprise? I swig some more booze, an' I'm pretty sure from the burn its a pretty decent strength whiskey, but it doesn't even touch the sides.

 _I was just wondering if... maybe you wanted to come with me to my room_..? The words are like fire in my mind, and godammit, I don't think he realises how bloody hard it was to say no to him. But I... can't. I already know that with him, I won't be able to just walk away afterwards; and not just 'cause we're stuck on this stupid, god forsaken island, thanks to whoever torched my Delilah. 

 _I don't need anyone_... an' if I let him in, I know there ain't no goin' back again. I think it may well have been the hardest damn thing I had to do in my life, turnin' him down.

I swallow another chug of liquid fire, closing my eyes as I sit on the edge of my bed and recall his shocked, and blatantly disappointed expression. But it's for the best. He might be ridiculously hot, an' I might like the guy; an' definitely way more than I oughtta too, but I ain't cut out for... whatever it is he's after. Not anymore. An' he ain't cut out for a one night stand, even if it might be our last chance to- Ah, _hell..._ I can't stand even thinking about it.

I flop back on the bed, and I should really force my eyes open, 'cause already I can see his stupid cheeky grin in my head; the one that makes my gut do that god awful somersaultin' thing, like I'm flyin' without my damn plane. I can already tell I ain't gonna sleep tonight, I'm gonna lay here in the growin' darkness, finishin' my whiskey as I wonder how his skin would've felt against mine all night; how his lips would've tasted and the sounds he would've made, as I worshipped that goddamn sexy body of his and drowned him in pleasure.

"C'mon, Jake..." I scold myself half-heartedly, though I can't bring myself to actually move or stop picturing his stupid, beautiful face in my head. "Get a _grip..."_ I half laugh and half groan in exasperation, as what was supposed to knock some sense into me has actually only reminded me just what I'd like to get a grip on. As if on command from the thought, I can already feel my hand movin' across my thigh towards my lap, and I gotta admit; it's takin' a hell of a lot more effort than I would like, to stop myself from palming my dick.

I grip my leg, and the pain of my nails digging into the flesh is distractin' yeah, but it ain't exactly stoppin' the blood from causing my damn traitorous dick to swell. I sigh in reluctant defeat, and lessen the grip on my leg, a quiet hiss escapin' me as I finally let my hand slide to my crotch; my mind envisionin' deep blue eyes that always seem like they're haunted, a sea of emotions and secrets, an' what's turned out to be a severe fuckin' weakness of mine.

 _Godammit..._ I could've had those bottomless eyes gazin' up at me by now, intense and passionate as he silently pleaded for more of everythin' I would've been more than happy to give. Though, of course, drivin' him to incoherent babbles would've been nice too. 

I groan, hardly helpin' myself with my head so consumed by thoughts and desires, all absorbed with him. Why the hell did I turn him down again? How could I have been such a damn idiot? Damn, I've wanted him so long already, an' when he finally asks me... But no. 

I force my hand from my lap and use every ounce of determination still in me to peel my eyes open, banishing the passionate gaze I so want to be starin' into right now. I don't need anyone, I remind myself, grimacing as I sit up because godammit; this stupid wood I've given myself, don't exactly make the transition comfortable.

 _I don't need anyone_. 

I shake my head, determined that I can make myself believe the words again, like I did before that little shit kissed me beneath the water as we drowned; like I did before I first woke up to see his cocky little grin in my cockpit, and... admittedly great fuckin' ass. I snort, feelin' the lopsided grin form on my face with a vague sense of disgust for my sentimentality, as I recall the little shits audacity to steal my nicknamin' game. He and Mike would've got along great...

The thought is the equivalent of a much needed bucket of water to my head, and my smile quickly falls away, my heart sufficiently hurtin' again that I'm able to repair some of the damage to the walls I built around it. I push to my feet, dragging more burning fluid from the bottle in my hand, beginning to pace in agitation as I can't stop thinkin' about that little shit and his goddamn temptin' offer.

 _I don't need anyone_.

It's gettin' harder to remind myself of this. I'm constantly picturing his shy laughter when he thinks no ones lookin', that stupid grin of his when he and his idiot friend do one of their dumb little handshake slash dance combos. I clench my jaw tightly, my knuckles turnin' white around the neck of the bottle, as  I'm forced to admit to myself that I've been watchin' him way more than I should've.

"Goddammit..!" I growl, running a hand through my hair, as my chest begins to heave with deep and heavy breaths of frustration. "I'm _pathetic!"_ I snarl, my head a tangled mess of memories of him and all the soft and fond thoughts I realise I've been havin' about him. 'Course, it ain't my thinkin' it that's got me thinkin' that I'm so pathetic, it's the fact that I'm so bloody terrified by such thoughts.

I shake my head, my hair swinging angrily across my vision as my temper flares. "Argh!" I roar with a grimace, and before I can think the action through, I send my bottle of whiskey hurtling across the room. I blink in surprise at the sound of shattering glass, glancing down at my hand briefly, before raising it to run through my hair with a sigh. "Damn... What a waste." I mutter, clicking my tongue as my self pitying irritation fades just as quick as it came on. I shake my head again as I cross the room slowly, one hand on my hip while the other pinches the bridge of my nose, before I scrub the hand over my face roughly. 

My stubble tickles my palm, and I wonder for a moment what he thinks of it, and whether I should've maybe shaved at some point since comin' here; but the thought only irritates me again, because part of the point of lettin' it get in this state was to discourage people gettin' too interested. Sure people think the odd five o'clock shadow's attractive, and lets face it, on this handsome mug; its a darn sight more than just attractive, but even so, people don't want it around all the time. I tell myself firmly that I don't care what he thinks of it regardless, as I crouch beside the broken bottle and grab the small waste basket, carefully beginnin' to clean up my mess by tryin' to nudge it into the basket with the toe of my boot.

 _I don't need anyone_.

I can't help but feel drained, this whole situation and the shitty thoughts and feelings crap is exhaustin'. I half wonder if it wouldn't've just be easier to have said yes, and gone up to his damn room with him. Heh, I'd certainly be havin' more fun right about now, I remind myself with an amused snort, as I give up on cleaning and merely stand the small waste basket upside down over the remaining mess.

I sigh as I push to my feet, running a hand through my hair and tugging at the shaggy strands in frustration, frowning as I peer out the far window distractedly. I can almost hear Mike's snide laughter, callin' me a damn idiot for bein' so stubborn. He wouldn't want me to be this way, I know that. _Grandpa, stop bein' a damn martyr.._. He'd tell me, but I shake my head as I swallow heavily, my eyes catching the glint of the fading sunlight upon the various bottles on my dresser. 

Mike's dead. And I wished for so long I'd died too. Couldn't expose that bastard Lundgren, couldn't get vengeance for the man who was my brother in all but blood... a class A fuckin' failure, in every sense of the word. So Mike ain't allowed to tell me how I should be livin' now, 'cause he left me here alone; and alone is just how I'm gonna stay. I ain't goin' through all that shit again, lettin' this kid in and findin' we fit like two lost puzzle pieces, just to fall apart if he gets taken from me too.

I'm halfway toward the dresser for a new bottle, when a knock sounds at my door. I stop I my tracks, and my throat tightens, 'cause goddammit, I just know exactly who its gonna be; or wait, is it actually, despite knowin' I shouldn't... that I'm _hopin'_ I know who it will be?

"... I know you're in there..." I close my eyes and curse the little shit, because damn; he still sounds so damn tempting, even as his voice is obscured by my door. "I checked the bars already." He huffs in a weak attempt at humour, and I open my eyes to scowl at the door, determinedly shoving my hands in my pocket and bitin' my lip to keep from answering, pretendin' I don't notice as I slowly move closer to the door. "Jake, please... C'mon, open the door." He sighs, and I have to clench my hands tightly in my pockets to keep from movin' to  do as he asks.

"Jake..." He tries again, and I curse the little shit, for the way his voice breaks, drawin' me to step even closer to the door. "Please, Top Gun... You don't... you don't know-" He chokes, and damn him I can feel the concern tryin' to raise itself in my stupid, racin' heart. I scowl, as I viciously stomp the feeling down, determined not to give in, despite the fact I'm still creepin' closer to that godforsaken door. "You don't know how long I have waited..." He mumbles through the door, and I frown at the obvious pain in his voice. "I was gonna tell you tonight..." He breathed, and I get the distinct impression I wasn't supposed to hear that part, as he draws in a deep and shaky breath.

Part of me just wants to yell through the door, tell him to go the hell away and not come back. But another part of me knows only too well, that thought ain't a damn bit true. I also know, if I open my stupid mouth at all right now, I'm only gonna end up saying somethin' incredibly dumb.

"Jake, I'm not going anywhere. I know you're in there..." He says, soundin' like he's just drank about six shots of liquid courage, and I fight back the groan of amused irritation clawing at my throat, because I can just imagine his stupidly determined expression out there in the hall. I hold my breath instead, leanin' my head against the door quietly, as I close my eyes and will myself the strength to send his sorry ass packin'.

"Jake... Please," he pleads, and I feel my determination begin to crack, one hand curlin' into a fist on the door, as my other reaches for the lock. If I can just turn it, he'll know it's not happenin', final answer; game over, man. And yet, I can't bring myself to turn that little bloody knob.

 _I don't need anyone_..?

Dammit, it ain't enough that he's blasted past all my defences already, now he's makin' me doubt everythin' I've been tellin' myself ever since I lost Mike, makin' me believe I can be a better man, just like that corny bastard always used to.

"Jake..." He whispers to me, and I grit my teeth as I feel a part of my heart softenin' at the small and broken tone he uses. "Please don't lock me out..." He murmurs, and I almost laugh, thinkin' he can see me, but then I realise; he just knows me too damn well. 

I jerk away from the door, because this sudden thought ain't somethin' I'm prepared for. I look back on the time we've spent together on this dumbass island, and I see it with startlin' clarity; he really has gotten to know me, just as I have him. I shake my head slowly, the building epiphany makin' my heart thud almost too loudly in my ears. Somewhere along the way, he really started payin' attention to me, enough to notice my habits of pushin' people away; lockin' 'em out, as it were. Goddamn little shit, he knows just how to get under my skin.

I swallow heavily, an' my heart seems to be blockin' my throat, 'cause no matter how much I try, I can't seem to get enough air in my lungs. I look at my hand, hoverin' over the lock, and I feel entirely torn as to just what the hell I should actually do. Well, I know what I should do, so I guess more appropriately it'd be a case of what I'm gonna do; 'cause I still ain't turned that damn lock. 

I frown, wonderin' why he hasn't just barged in, seein' as how he's so determined to get what he damn well wants. My chest is bubblin' away, filled with unwelcome, goddamn nervous excitement; 'cause the more I think about it, the more I realise that he's just givin' me time to make the choice myself; despite what he wants. "I'll stand out here all night if I have to..." He calls wearily, if not determinedly, as if he's answerin' my very thoughts.

 _I don't... need anyone_...

I try to tell myself again, but the words feel strangely empty and hollow in my own head, suddenly powerless like they never used to be. I draw in a deep, silent breath, lookin' up at the ceiling to gather my resolve; tryin' to push away all the uncertainty and desire, so I can turn the damn lock and send him on his merry ass way. I face forward again, when the door swings open between us, my own stupid, traitorous hand still on the handle. 

His hands are braced on the doorframe, his head lowered to face the floor, though he jerks his face up as the door opens. Honestly, I can't even tell which one of us is more surprised at this point, but damn; I know which one of us most likely looks prettier. His deep blue eyes are all but bloody glitterin' with hope, wide and goddamn beautiful as the open sky, as they lock onto mine.

For a moment there's nothin' but awkward staring from the pair of us, and then I see him swallow, his hand rising to run through the short red spikes of his hair. "Hey, you..." He says, and I almost snort in amusement, except the stupid bubble of longing and excitement in my chest is swelling; obscuring everythin' that isn't desire and the rushing of blood through my body, namely in a southward direction. I knew openin' this damn door would be a huge mistake, but dammit I'm gonna enjoy this ride to hell.

 _I... need_...

"Hey." I say back, my voice thick from the stupid feelings and shit he's makin' it so damn hard for me to repress. I swallow, as his eyes flick over me, but he holds himself back; maybe 'cause my hand is still grippin' the door handle like my damn life depends on it. I realise I'm gonna have to say somethin' else, if we're gonna actually stop this whole doorway starin' thing we've got goin' on. I open my mouth, determined that I'm gonna send him on his way, once and for all; but the bubble in my chest finally pops, and I'm left with nothin' but a rush of emotions I haven't let myself feel in over three years. "I've never wanted _anythin',_ as badly as I want you." I hear myself say instead of the intended rejection, and I see him blink in surprise, before he breaks out in that stupid, slow and beautiful smile of his.

"Then _have_ me." He says simply, and I barely see him move, before he's against me, his mouth hot and demanding on mine as I pull him closer and kiss him back hungrily. I don't even know if I shut the damn door, and I can't bring myself to care, too lost in his blistering kiss as I pin him against the wall. I can't help the blood surgin' to my dick, because hot damn, he's makin' all the prettiest sounds I ever heard.

I dunno what the hell I was expectin' from him, but it weren't this ferocity, 'cause god knows I ain't exactly bein' gentle as I kiss him, but he's matchin' everything I'm givin' him with just as much enthusiasm. I can't decide where the hell I want to put my hands, 'cause I want 'em everywhere at once. I want 'em against his cheek, to hold him close, beneath that stupid red shirt that's in the way, 'cause I wanna touch every part of that damn chest he's been showin' off at every opportunity; on his ass, so I can fit us snugly together and grind for friction, or to say hell with it and grab his thighs, so I can wrap his legs around me and press him harder against the wall.

The decision is taken from me when he pushes at me, and its not until we've stumbled halfway across the room that I realise that the sneaky little shit has removed both my jacket and t-shirt. With a growl I grab his shoulders and spin us, slamming him against the floor to ceiling window and movin' my kisses to his throat. "Yes... _yes!"_ I hear him gasp, and the sound goes straight to my already more than eager dick. I leave more than one mark on his flawless skin, groaning when he hisses and tangles his hand into my hair so he can pull me closer. 

"You got no right," I hear myself mutter, as I litter his collarbone with kisses and nips, before working back up his long neck; relishin' the breathy sighs and gasps which escape him. "Bein' so _ridiculously_ hot..." Personally I think I deserve a damn medal, 'cause it's hard work tryin' to even think coherently while I'm pressed up against his writhin' body, let alone actually say anythin'.

"Less talking..." He breathed, arching his neck for me with a tight groan. "More kissing!" He demands, and I huff in amusement, pullin' back to quickly strip his shirt over his head.

"Wouldn't you like that..?" I say, and I can feel the stupid grin on my face as he stares back at me dazedly, before another one of his damn beautiful smiles stretches across his face. I briefly think to myself that his smiles should come with warning labels, before our lips crash together again in another urgent kiss, and I stop thinkin' about anythin' that ain't gonna get more of his bare skin against mine as fast as possible.

 _I... need_...

I can feel his hands, fumblin' with my belt, and without conscious thought my hands reach for his jeans; knowin' full well, there ain't no goin' back at this point. I pull him closer, one hand risin' to the back of his neck as my tongue collides with his, barely gasping for breath as we make our way roughly across the room.

I'm vaguely aware of more than one smash, and several crashes; but I can't bring myself to care about whatever it is bein' broken, too intent in the racing of my heart against my ribcage, and the heat poolin' in my gut. We pause as his legs bump against the bed, draggin' trousers and boxers over feet to discard uncaringly, before crawlin' up the mattress together.

Stretchin' out beside him, legs entangled as I hold him close, I'm not sure how I ever had the strength to turn him down earlier. "Jake..." He moans softly, his fingers clutching at my shoulders; and damn, does that sound ever make my heart stutter with pride. His arms encircle me, as I roll him to his back, bracin' myself on my knees between his parted thighs.

"Taylor-" I breathe, and the sound of his name fallin' from my lips makes him shudder and bite his own. I kiss him, forcin' him to release his lip so I can suck it between my own, while my hand drifts between us; palming his hard cock briefly, before fallin' further and makin' him cry out in surprised and needy delight, as my fingers brush over his entrance.

"Oh god... _please,_ Jake-" he babbles lowly, as I return to attacking his throat with hungry kisses, while my fingers tease him open. "Don't stop..." He murmurs, squirming to create friction between us as his fingers alternately clutch at my hair and claw at my shoulders.

I hum in vague acknowledgement of his pleas, my heart poundin' as he shivers and lets loose one of the most gorgeous fuckin' breathy gasps I've ever heard. If I weren't so busy markin' up his neck and stretching his ass with my fingers, I might grin and make some smart comment about it, but honestly; he's just too bloody distractin', and all I want is to be his.

_I need-_

That thought should terrify me, could utterly break me if I seriously let myself fall any further for him, but I force everything aside to worry about later. Much later... Preferably never.

I remove my fingers from him, ignoring his whine of disapproval as I pull back from his throat to reclaim his lips in a near desperate kiss. He pulls me closer, and the both of us are pantin' for breath between the rough collision of our lips, our bodies rocking together tightly. I can feel his heart beatin' almost as frantically as mine, and it's just another reminder that this ain't just some really vivid, alcohol induced dream.

"Jake..." He whispers, his lips brushing against mine as he arches up from the bed, parting his thighs wider as he looks up at me with those endless deep blue eyes. His gaze is heavy, our breath minglin' in harsh pants, as I pause and swallow heavily.

If I really do this now, I know there's no goin' back after. I try and cool myself off, try to organize my thoughts and remind myself just why this is such a bad idea. "Jake... _please-"_ he murmurs, and I know I'm lost. I lean forward to kiss him gently, a far more intimate exchange after our previous kisses. I shift my body, usin' one hand to guide my cock to his ass, my heart almost clamberin' out my damn chest as my sense of anticipation soars.

I groan, my body stiffenin' as his body gives around me, my jaw tightenin' as I drop my head to his shoulder. His hands are scrabblin' at me everywhere, his voice babblin' endless encouragement in my ear between his breathy gasps and moans of pleasure. "Holy fu-" I start to exclaim, as his warm flesh grips my cock tightly, drawing me deeper into him. Godammit, I should've ignored everythin' I ever told myself and done this ages ago.

"Jake... Jake, please, _Jake-"_ I shiver, 'cause how in the hell can he sound so goddamn innocent and needy when he has my dick in his ass already? I rock tentatively against him, fully sheathin' myself in his tight warmth, and I relish his incoherent cry of joy.

"Jesus-" I don't get a chance to finish cursing, 'cause his lips find mine and he kisses me so damn deeply, I'm sure I can feel it all the way to my toes. I hiss as he tries to raise his hips against me, my fingers no doubt bruising his hip in their severe grip on him, both tryin' to encourage and deter his movements.

"Oh my _god..."_ He cries against my lips, as I begin to move in him with unusually gentle thrusts of my hips. His long legs clutch at my sides, drawing me closer if I move to far away for his liking. If I weren't so lost in the overwhelmin' sensation of my body connecting with his, I might have the wits to make some smart assed comments about his unspoken bossiness, but honestly; right now I don't care what the hell he does to me, so long as we never have to stop.

"Jake!" He cries, and I groan as I begin to move faster, my body colliding with his harder as my cock  thrusts deeper into him, strikin' the nerves which I know only too well will make him feel amazin'. _"Aahhh!_ Don't... don't stop..!" He pleads, his body movin' in tandem with mine, as our eyes meet, hazy with lust as we take in each others sweat slicked bodies and faces. 

I don't even think, as I lean in and kiss him hard, my teeth grazin' his lip as he moans and whimpers eagerly. My only thoughts are of drivin' him to the brink of insanity, with such an abundance of pleasure, he won't ever wanna leave my side again. I can only hope I succeed. I gasp, as my body swirls with liquid fire, curling in the pit of my gut with the intensity of an inferno. _"Mmm!"_ I groan, releasin' his kiss swollen lips so his head can fall back on the pillow, his fingers diggin' into my arm, as I curl my hand around his cock. "Taylor..." I choke, as my body begins to stutter, wracked by a pleasure so deep that I almost think I might pass out. Instead I add my voice to his, our cries of bliss combinin' as our eyes meet again, his orgasm makin' him curse and struggle to keep his eyes open and on mine.

"Oh- _Jake!"_ He cries, his cock spillin' over my hand as I gasp and thrust deep into him, his ass clenched tightly around my cock as I feel myself fall from the highest peak.

"Ah, hell... Taylor-" I grit out, my head lowering so I can bite his shoulder, a wild flurry of elation and bliss floodin' through my body and mind, as I spill my own release inside him.

And then there's just peacefulness. A contentment I haven't known since, hell, I can't even remember when. My body still moves gently with his, like we're both hopin' it ain't really over. I release his shoulder and lick the faint bite mark slowly, as he hisses and threads his hand in my hair, pullin' me ever closer to him.

As I release a shaky sigh, I shift slightly, realigning myself so I can kiss him tenderly; far more gently than I've previously attempted. _"Hmmm..."_ He hums happily, as our slow and lazy kisses continue,  practically purrin' like a smug cat beneath me.

 _"Hmmm."_ I agree with minor amusement, as reality crashes back in on me. I pull back, gazin' down at him thoughtfully as we catch our breath. I swallow, 'cause dammit, he makes it bloody hard to think when he looks at me so openly like this.

 _I need... him_.

I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, slowly withdrawin' my dick from him, as I contemplate what the hell I wanna say. "It's okay..." He says, surprisin' me out of my thoughts, enough that I open my eyes to find him watchin' me with sad but guarded eyes. "It's okay, if you want this to just... be _this."_ He says awkwardly, and I huff as I begin to shake my head lightly. 

"I... _don't._ I want it to be... more." I finally bite out, almost laughin' at his dumb surprised face. I take his hand, as he reaches for my face, kissin' his fingers without even realising what I'm doin' until its already done. I swallow again as I try to find the words, glancin' up at him hesitantly. "Til now, I always got by on my own..." I say thickly, and I hate the understandin' in his eyes, as he rolls to face me. "I..." I can feel the words, lodging in my throat, desperately tryin' to stop me from saying them. But I want to, 'cause somewhere along the way, he destroyed everything I ever built up between me and the world. 

_I need him._

"I..." I try again, my hand squeezing his tightly as my heart thuds painfully in my chest. His lips press to my knuckles, and I look at him, to see a soft and knowin' smile on his face. "I never really cared until I met you." I finally choke, my voice unsteady from the long repressed feelings stirrin' in my chest. "And now... it chills me to the bone." I admit, shivering as I consider just how deep the little shit has managed to burrow under my skin.

"It's okay..." He says, his free hand cuppin' and caressin' my cheek. "We can work it out...  _together._ One day at a time, yeah?" He offers, and I can feel the tension drain outta me. I lean forward and knock my forehead to his, closin' my eyes as all the pain I've buried myself in for the past three years, slowly locks itself away behind a large door in my head.

I swallow, noddin' faintly as he gives a soft chuckle of relief, his lips brushin' against my own gently. I might not know what's gonna happen, might not cope if I do ever lose him... But, I _need_ him. And I know he ain't goin' anywhere for now, and that he'll help me learn how to let people in again. 

I relax into his kiss, knowin' that we can figure out tomorrow when it comes and rejoicin' for once in the knowledge that; I ain't alone anymore.


End file.
